5 Tips To Build Confidence In Your Child

Why is confidence important?

A confident child brings:

✅ Greater problem-solving skills

✅ Willingness to try new things

✅ Ability to accept failures without giving up

In the following, we are going to discover how our words, actions, and responses can shape the confidence in our children.

1. Speak Life

Words have the power to edify or the power to tear down. Praising and encouraging help to build your child's confidence and their feeling of self-worth. It is important that we praise them not just for their accomplishments but for their efforts and willingness to attempt the activity itself. This would help them see their true value and identity.

With that said, let's look at the picture below. Is this scene familiar to you?

Recall the times your child took their first steps, do you reprimand them when they fall or do you: 1) Reprimand them

- or -

2) Cheer, embrace and encourage them?

I am positive 99% of you reading this post, would have hysterically cheered for your child! Let's think about it, did you cheer because your child has done a marathon or walked the longest mile and accomplished the genius record of being the world's greatest baby? No! You cheered for them because of their effort of trying and not the result of a very successful walk. And did your child continue to try? Absolutely! Because the act of encouraging and embracing him/her for his/her effort gives them the confidence to keep on trying, knowing it is safe to do so.

🌟Practical tip:

When our child fails to meet our expectations, be it academically, socially, or behaviorally. Instead of constantly reminding them of their shortcomings, how can we build them up by stating their ability to accomplish it? For example, if our child is very fidgety that day, instead of saying, "why can't you just sit still for a minute?", could we say, "I can see that you're trying, I know you have the capability to sit better. How do you think we can go about doing that?" Not only does the second response builds confidence in your child that you believe he/she has the capability to accomplish what is expected, but also to build on their problem-solving skill to come up with possible solutions to work on their "fidgety situation'.

2. Allow Mistakes

Mistakes are a great way for a child to learn. When children make mistakes, trip, fall, or spill a cup of milk all over themselves and pick themselves up (without parents intervening in the situation if it is within the limits of safety), they learn to trust their own choices and develop good problem-solving skills! They learn to choose their future options wisely and become someone who can act, react and recover when situations arise.

Studies have shown that when emotions are validated they don't become entrenched. I know! It is a real struggle in wanting to solve every problem that our child face. However, to hold back and provide reflective listening can help them understand their emotions better, and come up with solutions to their problems. According to John Gottman's emotional coaching, he explained that "children will learn that these emotions are acceptable, normal, and yes, even manageable." (Gottman, 1998) Which will eventually promote the confidence we are looking to grow in them.

Here's a food for thought:

In what areas can we let go and allow our children to make mistakes for growth today?

🌟Practical Tip: Give your child space to make mistakes, at the same time reassure them that you'll be reachable if they need help.

3. Love Unconditionally

Roger's defined unconditional acceptance as one that conveys that the kid is intrinsically deserving of love and includes constructive comments and affirmations, confirmation of value, approval, praise, and admiration based on one's presence rather than one's performance or behavior (Rogers & Koch, 1959).

Parents' unconditional love helps their children to learn that they are accepted regardless of their behavior, academic performances, and other accomplishments, will they feel safe and secure.

To love the unlovable is challenging, especially when they don't meet our expectations. But we need to remember that it is also in those moments where they need us the most. Being loved not based on their deeds but who they are as your child means the world to them. To know that you are their safe haven regardless of the circumstance builds their confidence to try new things because they know that their worth is not based on what they do, but on who they are to you.

4. Set Limitations

I'm a 100% advocate for unconditional love, but that doesn't mean our child should be running wild! Believe it or not, rules help our children to feel good about themselves!

How does setting limitations help my child feel good about himself/herself?

1) Rules help children learn boundaries and give them a sense of control of themselves.

2) Rules provide structure. With rules, our children can now figure out when they have done the right thing and feel good about themselves!

Children do feel loved when you set H E A L T H Y B O U N D A R I E S because they know you care, at the same time it builds their confidence and self-esteem knowing that they have the power to be in control of themselves to act in what's expected.

5. Teach Positive Self-Talk

There is a unified conclusion in most research on positive self-talk shows that the way we talk to ourselves can have a roll-on effect on behavior changes (Ellis, 1976). In 2009, Hatzigeorgiadis et. al. have concluded in their experiment that motivational self-talk increases self-confidence and reduces anxiety.

Fig. 2. Self-confidence scores in the initial and final trials for the experimental and control groups.

A classic example of completing a tedious task would be:

VS

As much as we want to be 24/7 available to coach our children through challenging situations, it is nearly impossible.

This is why we need to groom our little ones to become their cheerleaders by teaching them positive self-talk! The more they practice, the more it will become second nature to them, and when other would be a better time to practice than the times they spent with you!

Ultimately remember to enjoy the process of things, parenting is never easy, and someone once said this,

"There is no perfect parent, the only perfect parent is one that's without a child". Stay empowered and parent on :)

References:

Ellis, A. (1962). Reason and emotion in psychotherapy. Lyle Stuart.

Gottman, J. (1998). Raising an emotionally intelligent child. Simon & Schuster.

Hatzigeorgiadis, A., Zourbanos, N., Mpoumpaki, S., & Theodorakis, Y. (2009). Mechanisms underlying the self-talk–performance relationship: The effects of motivational self-talk on self-confidence and anxiety. Psychology Of Sport And Exercise, 10(1), 186-192. doi: 10.1016/j.psychsport.2008.07.009

Rogers, C., & Koch, S. (1959). A theory of therapy, personality, and interpersonal relationships. New York: McGraw-Hill.