It is the day. You walk up the stage to pitch your project idea to international board members for a 10 million dollar funding. The moment you walk up the stage all attention is on you. You started to have butterflies in your stomach. You could hear each step you make through the pin-drop silence. You reached for the microphone in an attempt to greet everyone - it came out as a whimper. Your heart began to palpitate, with thoughts, "I can do this."
What would you have done in this situation to regulate those emotions of anxiety, fear, and excitement for the opportunity given? That is having the tools for self-regulation. You are aware of how the social world works and can take the perspective of your audience. This produces more socially acceptable behavior in that given circumstance. For us, we learn these social contexts through observation and innate instincts with the ability to break them down for execution. However, children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) would find this aspect exceptionally challenging.
We often associate this term "self-regulation" with feelings of frustration and anger. However, did you know that we require self-regulation almost all the time throughout the day? Contrary to belief, self-regulation is also associated with feelings of sadness, embarrassment, nervousness, excitement, and many others.
So, what is self-regulation?
Self-regulation is part of our executive functioning which involves producing personal goal-oriented social responses. In other words, having the coping strategies to calm down emotions and to stay focused on the task. Includes but not limited to during a conversation with a person, listening in class, contributing to a group project, finding themselves in a boring meeting (e.g., assembly in school), and being in a crowded space.
Many children with ASD find it challenging to self-regulate, not because they don't want to, but because they do not possess the skills to do so. Instead of assuming that these children are just misbehaving, we could pose ourselves these questions instead to understand and help them in their perspective.
With that in mind, we could help break down situational context, teach perspective taking and coping strategies such as deep breathing, counting to 10, positive self-talk, and more to handle the situation in a more socially acceptable manner.
So how can you help your child or someone with ASD today?
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